The month of October reminds us of the importance of health care and prevention, especially for women, as we are all at risk of developing breast cancer. One of my favorite topics to explore in psychology is somatization.
From my personal belief combined with my academic training, all or almost all illnesses have a psycho-somatic origin. We have all suffered from a cold, a stomach infection, a “low defense” state of your immune system, that allows viruses and bacteria to invade our body. I would dare to call this low defense (in my own words) a “depressed state of the body.”
You would be surprised at the consistency that exists when analyzing each condition of our body in relation to our emotions. A little flu or cold is usually the result of sadness (justified tears), diarrhea can symbolize our fears, nervousness, stress (lack of control), constipation, on the other hand, would have something to do with anger (retaining and controlling), vision problems (what you do not want to see), hearing problems (what you do not want to hear), back pain (what is the weight you carry in your life every day, responsibilities? Guiltiness?), and lot more but this is just a few examples.
We carry everything in our body, there are illnesses as complex as the complexity of emotions.
This October, I invite you to explore not only your body but also make sure there's nothing "strange, unusual, stuck, or invading it in your mind or heart”. Take care of yourself, and just as you take care of your body, take care of your emotions.
Make sure your decisions are always consistent with what you say, think, and do. Therein lies the secret to inner peace. Explore within, and if you find inconsistencies, be honest with you and allow yourself to feel, speak and heal so that your life is as full as possible, you deserve it but you must believe first in order to then… make it happen.
With love, Your Psychologist Pam Serrano.
The wound of betrayal
What happens when we feel betrayed? The pain of betrayal is a deep pain that strikes the soul and spirit. What was seemingly built on firm foundations of trust, communication, and respect crumbles. You suddenly find out that your partner is or was interested in other people. When you had the believe that there was a bond and exclusivity turns out there are other involved.
What a profound pain it is to feel not as special and unique as you thought! The pain in your chest is so strong that you get to think your heart stops! Or, it is beating a thousand times per hour and then falls apart, a tremendous hole has opened in your stomach, your hands sweat, your body and eyes feel warm, and everything trembles, your whole body does, you feel like your head is going to explode and your vision blurs, now, you don’t think anymore, you only feel, you feel pain, you feel sadness, anger and confusion all at the same time.
You cry, you scream, maybe you run or you just collapse on the floor because your legs gave up… and then… then you have to do something about it, you can’t, you should not stay silent, or parked in pain, you have to talk, find your answers, find your truth, it’s not easy, I know, you wish you had never received that call or read that message or seen that photo or worse yet witnessed the whole scene! but it’s over now… now you know… what will you do with it?
Whatever your dignity, self-respect, your courage, your strength, or your weakness dictates, that's what you'll do. And you know what? Whatever you choose to do is okay! Because there are no rules for everything, much less for emotions. Everyone solves what comes their way as best they can, with what they have. We all find our way to heal. All I'm telling you this, always take care of yourself! If you've fallen apart, it's okay, embrace and accept it, cry a little, or a lot, whatever it takes. Forgive and move on. Get up and realize that you are now a little stronger, wiser, less naive, more independent, and that despite the pain of this wound, simply, life goes on, time heals, and you... you're alive!
With love, Your Psychologist Pamela Serrano.
The Favorite Son
Our parents try to convince us that there is no such thing as a favorite child, that parents love all their children equally, and that it is impossible not to. But in your experience and mine, it feels different, doesn’t it?
And when you question or point out the differences between the way they treat you and your sibling, the answers are always the same, “there is no difference you all are treated equal”.
They make you think that you are wrong, even when their actions indicate otherwise. And here I ask you: what thought would better bring you inner peace? here the options, knowing and admitting that there is a favorite child and that it is not you? Or, is it easier to hold on to the idea that we are all equally loved, but have you misinterpreted that and mistakenly thought otherwise? Think about it and make your own conclusions.
The answer is in your hands: as you let go of attachments and allow yourself to acknowledge that the “other” is the favorite, you will likely find the peace you long for. Do not try to convince your parents that you are as equal or even more valuable than your sister or brother, because in that case you will live an eternal battle, trying to defeat someone whom is not even to blame! And I don’t mean there is someone at all to blame!
There are lots of unconscious thought in each human being that make us act in certain way that many time we don’t even realize we are doing, and that is what could be in your parents mind, consciously they do love you all equally, but insight their minds, a million things could be happening that unconscious makes them behave, act, or respond in a way that will show preference for the other.
We all have our own value, our own personality, our place and function within the family. Some will therefore be closer to mom or dad. And you know what? That is ok! If you accept that it is human to have greater affinities and to identify more with one than with the other (even when this process in unconscious), and, that the love of a parent is so great that there is enough for everyone and that they, our parents, do the best they can with what they have in hand (considering their own inner challenges), I believe then you will find a better feeling about yourself.
If today you feel that you are not the favorite child, and you think that your role in the family is different, remember that, you are not here to please your parents, nor to be their best friend, nor to fill their voids. If your brothers or sisters are, then that is their role and the positive or negative consequences will be for them only. Free yourself from the search for reasons and from that weight in your back you are not responsible for anyone’s happiness but your own… Believe me, the reasons are not in you. Focus on who you really are, and live your own dreams!
With Love, Your Psychohologist Pam Serrano
"What is meant for you won't pass you by"
How many times have you heard this proverb? I assume many, I did too! and I used to think it was just a common Mexican saying to “cheer us up when something doesn’t go the way we expected”.
Never the less, today, I reaffirm that things never happen by chance and absolutely everything we experience is just as it was meant to be, cause it had a purpose in our lives and therefore, there are no good or bad decisions, there are only decisions, and when we make them we put our theories to the test, and hopefully our heart on it, so whatever the outcome is… it will bring you a lesson, one that you had to experience in order to confirm or disprove your theory!
A few years ago, I would have never imagined that love would show up in such an unexpected way, and it just did. My advice regarding romantic love (if you still didn’t find it): Stop looking for it, but at the same time just be open to it.
Today I find myself facing a whole world of possibilities and wonderful surprises that brighten my heart and spirit every day; Another tip: Let go! The things and people that you know are not good for you, just let go!!! And the thing is… We do know what is not good for us, but many times we cling because it is “easier” to continue in the road we already know even though it is a hurtful path that doesn’t give you peace.
Sometimes even when it is going so wrong, we are desperately hoping for it to work because is so hard to detach! and in the end, all we achieve is deepening the wounds we already had.
So, be careful!!!, No one comes and forces you into a situation you don't want to be in. Day by day, you choose your destiny, and if today you feel like something is hurting you, overwhelming, consuming, and you find yourself not happy, work within yourself and ask yourself why you haven't let go. Therein lies the secret. Trust your inner wisdom, what your heart tells you, let go of what you need to let go of, and stop searching where there is emptiness. Only by being free will you be able to allow what, if it's meant for you, will find you.
